abby vanduker, 20, oklahoma

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invisible children
charity: water
liberty in north korea

woke up early, drank a cup of coffee and went back to bed for another couple of hours. 

met up with the lovely aubrey at sunflower market later, wandered around for what had to be at least an hour studying everything and eating all the samples. we had lunch at rePUBlic - i’d never been, but i’m now hooked - and i fell in love with wyders pear cider. i could drink it all day long.
afterwards we went over to whole foods to browse, eat more local samples, and pick up an allegro latte.
i absolutely love allergo coffee in colorado, and am so happy that we now have somewhere in oklahoma that brews it! they absolutely put starbucks - and even caribou coffee - to shame.
i then went to dinner with sarah and my brilliant two-year-old niece. i can’t believe how grown up she is already, and how she understands that hot sauce belongs on everything (even her pancakes).

and i’ve been listening to blood bank by bon iver almost constantly; it soothes my soul this time of year. 

it was really such a wonderful, simple day off…filled with lots of food. and oliver is doing much better, he’s still a bit goofy and not sure how to walk, but should be perfectly fine soon :)

my poor baby accidentally got into my parents’ much larger dog’s pain meds.

after forcing him to vomit most of it up, he’s still a little miserable and loopy ragdoll. 
it’s going to be a long night for mama. poor little thing.

i’ve spent this-evening: watching new girl, drinking excessive amounts of tazo zen tea, working on a philosophy thesis, twirling around in my new little black dress, baking a lasagna, reading the steve jobs biography, trying to fight off another headache, nursing my permanently sore throat. 

i have shared an unnamed disease with my granny from birth, and quite honestly, it’s just exhausting. it makes me sick to fuss about such things as i am so blessed to have access to the medications and doctors that have kept me living a relatively normal life for the last nineteen years, for such things i am forever indebted. yet sometimes, it gets the better of me and i am left feeling a bit hopeless. this is one of those times.

my little oliver sleeping soundly next to me is the sweetest. i love him something terrible. off to read until sleep.

xxxxx.

oliver got a haircut today and is now bald.

my warby parker frames are finally here, trying to adjust to them and all / dyed my hair again

monday is:

• woke up to sunshine
• snuggled with oliver and a cup of tea
• chatted with jamie about:
  -steel train / jack’s mannequin tour
  -seeing said tour in wichita, okc, and san antonio
  -the drive to san antonio
  -how the thunder beat the lakers by 14 points last night in los angeles, and are therefore reasonably accepted as being better at playing basketball than the lakers
  -asians 
• had a slice of leftover pizza for breakfast
• dyed my hair
• worked on my english paper due wednesday in my undies
• ditched my 2:00 to continue working on my paper
• my 3:30 is cancelled
• looking at houses online / lazybones until french class in three hours
• might go get froyo for lunch
• gym after class
• sleep

Day 12: 12/1/10

The (almost) dead seal.

Due to it reaching above forty degrees yet again today, Oliver and I went out in the backyard for a bit this afternoon. He finally figured out how to squeak his little red ball. Such a feisty little thing.

1. I love pasta. Lots and lots of pasta, with even more sauce. Bread, too. I find myself slightly racist towards Italians after they cheated their way to winning the World Cup, but I love Italian food.
2. I drive quite a bit, and I’m always driving fast. I like speed when I’m in control.
3. “Every step you take, I’ll be watching you”. Chances are I don’t trust you one bit. There’s very few people that I do, it’s not a personal thing (…most of the time).
4. I’m smarter than you think I am. I just choose not to make it obvious, it’s more fun that way.
5. I love my orange juice with lots of pulp, so much I almost have to chew it. That’s a slight exaggeration, but I love orange juice. Tropicana, plz.
6. If I know you exist, I have your back. It doesn’t matter what you’ve done to me, when it gets down to it, I have your back. I’ll be there, even if you need me at 4 AM.
7. I HAVE A BOYFRIEND, and I love this boyfriend of mine. Please, please, please don’t hit on me, it’s just incredibly annoying…well, and…kind of flattering. Except when you refill my icee, fatso boy at the movie theatre. You can hit on me…I just want more icee.
8. December 27th / 28th / 29th, 2008 were some of the best days of my life and the beginning of something incredible. Thank you to everybody involved.
9. Breaking my safety net is a love / hate action for me. I love being shoved outside my comfort zone, but only so far.
10. I’ve had night terrors for quite a while now. It’s pretty pathetic and degrading.
11. “I’m a war of head vs. heart, it’s always this way. My head is weak, my heart always speaks before I know what it will say.” Title of my blog, and absolutely true.
12. I cannot wait until I get to be in the same room as Ben Gibbard. April 12, 2009. 56 days to go. I can honestly say I owe him my life, he is the definition of incredible.
13. Animals and anything made from animals are not in my diet as of January 2008, I will never go back. Being vegan is the lifestyle I have chosen and I’m not backing down on this one.
14. This time last year, I was depressed / sick to the point that I didn’t leave my room for a couple months.
15. Winter is the worst season ever invented. I hate being cold, and considering I’m often cold while it is 100 degrees outside, I’m frigid the entire winter season.
16. I get what I want, and I will always get what I want. I don’t care what it takes, but if I really, honestly, want something…I will get it. I will not stop until I do.
17. I like getting on Stickam on occasion. It boosts my ego.
18. My Macbook is currently chirping, and I don’t know what that noise means.
19. First impressions are huge to me. I will definitely judge you by the way you present yourself. Sorry, that’s just the way it is.
20. I will admit to listening to select songs off of Metro Station’s album and enjoying them on rare occasion.
21. I began listening to my own musical selection in third grade with Blink-182’s Dude Ranch. I found the CD in my dad’s collection and have been listening to them since.
22. 4 of the 6 holes in my ears were self piercings.
23. I personally do not smoke weed or do any kind of drugs that are not prescribed to me. I don’t have a problem with it though, as long as you are very intelligent with your substances and keep everything under control.
24. My best friend does not have a belly button. This isn’t really about me, but it fascinates me.
25. I feel guilty about being as happy as I am at this moment in time. I feel unworthy, there’s so many people that are so depressed and here I am on Cloud 9…not that I haven’t been at the lowest of lows. Trust me, I’ve been there.
26. I don’t believe Nicholas Valensi is human. He is far too gorgeous.
27. I’m Belgian, like waffles, chocolate, ecstasy, and “French” fries.
28. When I heard Travis Barker announce that Blink-182 was officially back together, I experienced one of the most amazing moments of my life.
29. My 5-pound poodle means more to me than nearly everybody.
30. I am absolutely addicted to ice. Sometimes I even crave it.
31. I am also addicted to caffeine. If I don’t intake some for a while, I get incredibly grumpy and a bad headache.
32. Valerie Poxleitner is one of my biggest (if not THE biggest) idols. She has it all figured out.
33. Blake Mycoskie is another major idol of mine. He is changing the world.
34. Hospitals have felt very like a home to me several times throughout my lifetime.
35. Most of my wardrobe consists of American Apparel.
36. When I was little, I could tell you about any statistic about NASCAR you could ever want to know.
37. I was a gymnast from the time I was 4 until I was 13.
38. I babysit an 18-month-old kiddo named Lauren that is absolutely perfect - adorable, virtually never cries, obviously very intelligent. Sometimes I worry that she sets a very high standard for my own kids.
39. I hate Hallmark for very good reasons.
40. I like writing, and I love it when people love what I write.
41. “You must be the change you wish to see in the world” - these words have been a serious inspiration to me.
42. I have only been actually sunburned once in my life.
43. Driving through Playa del Carmen, Mexico at sunup changed my life. Definitely a wake-up call.
44. Racism in most contexts severely bothers me.
45. Religion is not my thing. I’ll leave that at that.
46. Sometimes I wonder why my mother ever wanted me to exist.
47. I am currently freezing, lying in my heated waterbed with exactly 5 blankets and a comforter on top of me. This is not abnormal.
48. I just really want to get this list finished so I can go call him and have him lull me to sleep as usual.
49. There is no such thing as a too-long shower. That’s about the only time I can really focus and try to clear my head out.
50. I’m not looking forward to tagging this whole thing.